The Brain Isn't Prepared for Modern Love

A quick thought: The human brain isn’t designed for today’s relationships.

Think about that famous line from wedding vows, “…until death do us part.” Those words became wedding tradition when the were written in the Book of Common Prayer in 1549. The average lifespan in the 16th Century was 33 years old. Staying together until death was probably a lot easier… because death showed up a lot sooner. These days, the average person lives to about 80 years old - nearly 50 years longer.

While we’re big proponents of wildly happy marriages (until death do you part), it’s important to recognize that millions of years of human brain evolution designed the brain for pretty short relationships. Relationships are hard. There are tough things that happen over the course of a marriage. So, it’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to get help. It’s okay to have to try and figure each other out as you’re both going through the process of growing, working, living, and aging. Understanding that relationships are a process can help you both keep working at it. Marriage isn’t about finding a person who makes you happy forever… it’s about finding someone who is willing to keep working at it with you.